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“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”Matthew 6:14
“Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy.”Matthew 5:7
Many of us carry emotional burdens from tragic or painful life experiences. At times, we have been abused or forsaken by the very people we loved. This can produce deep levels of distrust and relational barriers toward others, even the ones that the Lord sends into our lives. According to the verses shown above, there’s an important step we must take before we can fully accept new friends, or repair former, estranged relationships. We first need to identify the original perpetrators of our relational pain and then “liberate” them from the emotional prison deep in our heart. This is why Jesus encouraged His followers to be merciful toward those who had trespassed against them. This is such an important issue that He also warned us not to resist this teaching. He concluded with a stark, strong warning by saying: “But if you don’t forgive others, neither will your Father in Heaven forgive your offenses.” (Matthew 6:15) Does any of this sound familiar?
Even as adults, some of us carry wounds from childhood experiences that were never properly addressed. As adults, we may have been deeply hurt by a colleague or loved one. In some cases it can be embarrassing, even shameful, to admit that someone had that much power and influence over us. The first step toward emotional and spiritual liberation is to be honest about these events. In the boxes below, we are encouraging you to be transparent about the people and circumstances which caused you that profound pain.
On the previous page, you were transparent about the wounds you’ve received and the people who caused them. If those relationships have not been reconciled, you risk violating a strong principle that Jesus taught. He wants us to be merciful and forgiving. He knows that holding someone as a prisoner in your heart can be remarkably costly in emotional and spiritual terms.
If unforgiveness is allowed to remain in your heart, several anti-social attitudes may emerge, including:
Problematic behaviors may become obvious as well, including:
These behaviors often stem from internalizing the treatment we’ve received, provoking shattered self-confidence and a loss of authentic identity. We then begin to feel inferior, and even unworthy of God’s love. This can create an orphan spirit, affecting our character and causing us to develop a bitterness toward God. We may adopt temporal values, even exhibiting moral impurity.
If you’ve been deeply wounded, you may have unfortunately developed self-destructive or anti-social behaviors. In the exercise below, please provide a score to indicate the presence or absence of these attitudes.
We sometimes adopt sinful behaviors to demonstrate our autonomy. The sanctity of our emotions, and perhaps even our bodies, may have been violated, deeply undermining our sense of control. To regain our independence, it’s quite possible that we overreach the proper boundaries. The Bible warns us not to develop a “root of bitterness” which can then alienate us from a loving relationship with the Lord. Some people may become angry with God for “permitting” the terrible things that were done to them. A self-reliant and stubborn attitude is deeply offensive to the Lord. The prophet Samuel severely warned King Saul for demonstrating an independent spirit instead of obeying Godly instruction.
“For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being king.”I Samuel 15:23
“These people draw near to Me with their mouth and honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me”Matthew 15:8
Have you become alienated from the Lord? If so, are you simply displaying religious behavior or “playing church” as a pretense of Godliness? If you have a broken relationship with the Lord, please unpack your true feelings about Him in the text box below.
Now write a prayer of liberation that includes those who you need to forgive. Let the Lord know that you’re ready to “open the prison” and allow Him to minister to your heart and to deal with those perpetrators as He sees fit. Settle in your heart that you will no longer stand in judgment of those individuals. The Bible tells us to “judge not that you not be judged”. Now is the time to follow that advice and to implement it in your own life. Write your prayer in a redemptive fashion, pointing out the wholesome result of offering forgiveness to your offender and repairing your relationship with the Lord. Here is some guidance about creating such a prayer.